[Sneakerphile]

I walked into a restaurant the other day that had a sign in the window that said "Breaksfast served anytime", so I ordered french toast during the Renaissance.

[Sneakerphile]

I was staying in a hotel recently and a friend of mine came over. He wanted to use the phone in my room, and he askes me "Do I have to dial 9" and I said "Yeah, especially if it's in the number"

[Sooper]

In the local hospital, a man is fed up waiting for the gents loo to become vacant so one of the nurses says that he can use the ladies on,
"As long as you don't touch any of the buttons on the wall sir!"

The man agrees and enters the ladies loo. Once he is in there and does what he has to do he notices wuite a few buttons on the wall and curiosity overcomes him. Each is identified by the letters WW, WA, PP and ATR.

The man cannot resist. First he presses the WW button and warm water shoots onto his backside. Next he presses the WA and warm air then dries his backside. He then pushes the PP button and a powder puff applies talc to his nether regions.

Feeling very papmered he then presses the ATR button and the next thing he knows is waking up in his hospital bed in sheer agony!!!

"What happened to me?" he gasps at the nurse.
"Ah" The nurse frowns, "I told you not to touch anything in the ladies loo, the ATR button is the "Automatic Tampon Remover!"

Bloody hell that was around when i was at junior school!

[camnic1972]

I know - its an oldie - but a goodie!!!

[deftoned]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of Champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, and I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence!" says the man. As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my Gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man, "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "what a coincidence. . .'

[deftoned]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hairdryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."
Next Please.

[streak]

A dwarf with a speech impediment goes into a stud farm.


"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.

"What sort of horse?" said the owner.

"A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"

So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?"

Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.

By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears.

"Nithe eerth." he says. "Now...can I see her twot?"

With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that... Can I see her wun awound?"

[mr.pure]

Very tempted to give you a warning !

[camnic1972]

Oh please don't - that was funny
lol
xx

[the_marsbar]

What was he trying to say with "twot"?