[Suburban Knight]

Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.

The nun who is driving says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross."

So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Get off our f*cking car."

[Suburban Knight]

[Suburban Knight]

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge
fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is
boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't
be best pleased he disposes of the fish by
feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is
attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts.
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?

Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything.
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South
American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked
by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now
he knows what to do and throws them! into the
lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another
lion and says "What's the food like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with
Mushy Bees."

[deftoned]

that's hilarious

[mr.pure]

Suburban, what are you 12 ?
I last heard that lion joke when I was in infant school.
Go and buy 2 adult joke books immediately.

[Suburban Knight]

I've had a word with myself and it wont happen again Mr P. I've also been to the shops and bought a book.


A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist.

The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window.

He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That's right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts.

"Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.

He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."

[mr.pure]

Okay, better.
Now all you have to do is go to the Optician's and get a stronger prescription of glasses then come back here and read the whole thread again cos that jokes allready been told.

[Suburban Knight]

Funking nora, I need to get to bed fella, its been a long night!

[camnic1972]

I didn't think the following one was too bad considering my 5 year old told it:

What do you do with a spaceman?

Park in it man!!

He thought it was hilarious!

[mr.pure]

I'm worried about the future.

[camnic1972]

Not as much as I am - he's not your son - so what chance have I got!!!!!!!

[mr.pure]

I'm sure you're doing a great job of bringing him up, he'll look after you when you've gone all wrinkly.

[streak]

^^(next week)

[camnic1972]

He does already!!!!!

Thank you Streak!! I really love you too!!!!!

[camnic1972]

Streak - I have a lovely head of thick, Long, Shiny Hair!!!!!!!!

Nah,nah,nah,nah,nah!!!

lol
xx