[mr.pure]

Snot bloody funny, shithead.

[camnic1972]

Snot bloody funny, shithead.

No - snot's green!!!!
lol
nic
xx

[camnic1972]

Paddy goes into a pet shop and asks for a goldfish,
"Would you like an aquarium?" Asks the helpful asisstant,
Paddy replies,
"I don't give a shit what star sign it is!!!"

[camnic1972]

This is rude!!!!

A recent survey asked various women if their cunt twitched after sex - 98% said no - he just lies there scratching his balls!!!

[camnic1972]

Two dwarfs pull two girls and take them home. The first dwarf cant get it up and to make things worse, all night he can here the second dwarf saying "Here I come again ...... 1, 2, 3 uuh"
The next morning the first dwarf says to the second,
"How embarrassing, I couldn't even get an erection last night"
The second dwarf replies,
"You think thats bad - I couldn't even get on the fucking bed!!!!!"

[camnic1972]

If God made the top half of a woman, who made to bottom half? .............................................

The Council - who else would put a shit hole right next to a play area!!!

[camnic1972]

A girl had 2 wishes off a fairy, she asked for bigger tits and a tight cunt.
The fairy gave made her a 36DD and gave her your number!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[camnic1972]

A little girl goes to the barbers with her Dad and stands next to him eating a cake - the barber turns and says to her,
"You're going to get hair on your muffin darling"
"I know", she says, "And when I'm older I will get tits aswell you dirty old bastard!!!!"

[camnic1972]

Firemen have just rescued a drunk irishman from the condom machine in the gents.
"What were you playing at Paddy?" asks one of the firemen,
"Well, be jaysus, it said, put your pound coin in the slot then push the knob in!........."

[camnic1972]

Three naked men are in the sauna, An American, A Japanese, and an Irishman.
They all hear a beeping noise and the American touches his arm and says,
"Thats my pager, I have a microchip under my skin."

Next a phone rings and the Japanese guy lifts the palm of his hand to his ear and says,
"I have a microchip in my hand."

The Irishman, feeling very lowtech, goes to the toilet and comes back with a load of toilet paper hanging out from his backside, and says to the other two,
"Ah be Jaysus! Would you look at dat, Oim getting a fax!!!!"

[camnic1972]

A married couple are driving down a country lane when they both spot an injured skunk lying by the side of the road, stopping the car they both decide to help the poor thing out and take it home. When the woman picks it up she says to her husband,
"Oh look at the poor thing it is so cold and shivering, what should I do to warm it up?"
The husband replies,
"Put it between your legs"
She looks at him, stunned and then says,
"But what about the smell?"
He says,
"Well, hold it's fucking nose then!!!"

[camnic1972]

New Flash!!!!
The Japanese have just invented a brilliant new camera with a shutter speed so fast that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth closed!!!!!

[camnic1972]

The Royal Mail have just released a new first class stamp - with a picture of a womans clitoris on it. However, it's going to have to be withdrawn as only 5% of the population know how to lick it properly!!!!

[camnic1972]

A man has been arrested for throwing petrol over a load of adidas fake shoe makers, when the police asked him what he was doing he replied, "About fifteen to the gallon!!!"

[camnic1972]

The zookeeper goes up to Paddy and says,
"Paddy, the gorilla is on heat, I need someone to have sex with her.Will you do it for £500?"
Paddy replies, "Aye, I will on three conditions, 1 - I don't kiss her, 2 - My family don't ever get to know and 3 - Give me a couple of weeks to get the money together!!!"