[camnic1972]

I was on my way to work the other day and as the law of the sod goes, I was caught speeding.
This copper gets out of his car, and strolls over to me,
"You were going a bit fast there love, I'm going to have to give you a ticket for it."
As you can imagine, I wasn't very happy, but though Fair Play, lets be nice to the cocky copper here.
"Yes officer" I replied.
He looks at my car and starts trying to have a conversation with me as he's writing out the bloody ticket,
"So, why were you going so fast then?"
"I'm late for work."
He smiled, then asked me,
"So, you must have a very important job then if you were speeding that much. What do you do?"
I replied,
"I work at the Hospital, and yes, my job is quite important."
He says,
"So, what is it then?"
I tell him,
"I'm a rectum stretcher"
He looks at me puzzled,
"A what?????"
I said,
"I'm a rectum stretcher, its a very important job, officer."
He says,
"So, what do you do for that then?"
I replied,
"Well, to start with I insert one finger and wriggle it around, then I insert two fingers and wriggle them around, until it is big enough to insert three fingers. After a lot of wriggling around it's not long before I can fit my whole hand in, then my arm, then I continue wriggling it around until the rectum is about 6 foot big, officer."
He starts laughing and then says,
"What do you do with an arsehole that big then?"
I replied,

"Stick him in a police car, put him under a bridge, and give him a fucking radar gun!!!!!"