The Joke Thread.......... - Printable Version
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+--- Thread: The Joke Thread.......... (/thread-2562.html)
The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 31-05-07
Lets start a joke thread - just to keep everyone smiling!!!!
I'll start us off with this daft one......
The other morning I had a crash in my car, I went right up the backside of a bloke driving this brand new merc.
This bloke gets out of his car and I noticed that he was a dwarf, he shouts at me,
"I'm not happy!"
So I said,
"So which one are you then!!!!!!!...................................
Get it ha ha - i know i'm daft!!
lol
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 31-05-07
Here's another one....
The wife is lounging on the sofa with her legs akimbo showing off her new crotchless knickers, she smiles suggestively at her husband and says,
"Do you want to come over here and get some of this?"
He looks up from his newspaper and replies,
"Sod that!! Look what it's done to your knickers!!!!"
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Effel - 31-05-07
What have liverpool and olivia newton john got in common?
They both got fucked in greece.
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - olstar - 31-05-07
i cant tell jokes for SHIT
i always forget the punchline!
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Effel - 31-05-07
Its all about the setup...
THe lone ranger and tonto are going camping, so they walk into the desert and set up there stuff. However, hthis took a while soo they both thought they might as well just go straight to sleep. A few hours later tonto prods the lone ranger and says "kemo Sabe- Look up at the sky, What can you see?"
To which theranger responds "i see millions of stars." "so what does it tell you?" asks tonto. The lone ranger ponders for a moment then comments "astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically it tellsme saturn is in leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it tells me the lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. meteorogically, we'll have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo Sh*t. Someone stole the tent"
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - olstar - 31-05-07
hahahahha
thats ace!
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 31-05-07
Two Nuns are walking down the road and a mugger jumps out of the bushes at them,
"Quick!" Says Mother Mary, "Show him your cross!!!!""
The other nun turns round to him and says,
"Oi, you little f***ing sh*t, go and F**k yourself!!!!"
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 31-05-07
Erm - can I put rude ones on here?
lol
Nic
xx
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Suburban Knight - 31-05-07
A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist.
The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window.
He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - mr.pure - 31-05-07
Nice work people, heard the Lone Ranger one years ago.
Bit of topic but does anyone know where I can get a piecost ?
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Suburban Knight - 01-06-07
A bloke walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Suburban Knight - 01-06-07
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - deftoned - 01-06-07
mr.pure Wrote:Nice work people, heard the Lone Ranger one years ago.
Bit of topic but does anyone know where I can get a piecost ?
... what's a piecost?
... about $2
Oh, sorry, did I ruin that one for you??
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - mr.pure - 01-06-07
Wanker !
The only joke I know and you had to go and ruin it.
*Shakes fist and walks out.
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Sooper - 01-06-07
ha ha!!
Punchline ruined Mr.P!
Some Funny ones there! I love jokes but can never remember them!