The Joke Thread.......... - Printable Version

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+--- Thread: The Joke Thread.......... (/thread-2562.html)

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Shellshock - 28-05-10

(27-05-10, 04:36 PM)Big J Wrote:  My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, she said she thought I was a paedophile. Pretty big word for an 8 year old...

Say what you want about peados but at least they drive slowly past schools....

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I can still remember play time at school. A bit of footy, sneaking a quick ciggy and trying to finger girls behind the bike sheds.

I fucking loved that caretakers job..

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Whats the difference between 'Bride' and 'Groom' ?

You can't bride schoolchildren

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - cracky - 28-05-10

Your going to hell big fella

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - DasBill - 28-05-10

I've had the worst year.

First I had to dump a quality girlfriend because she put on two stone.

Now she's asking for child maintenance.

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - pokey27 - 02-06-10

A guy I know has split up with his wife.

She left the marital home, taking with her his whole collection of Bob Marley records and the satellite dish.

Poor sod ... no woman, no Sky!

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Sweet_Kicks - 02-06-10

Pokey, thats terrible

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Poor Sod - 02-06-10

Did someone mention my name?

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - flyingcod - 02-06-10

A man walks upto a woman in a bar & whispers in her ear: "I want to fill your clunge up with stella & drink it all."
The woman goes over & tells her husband "Aren't you gonna go over & kick the shit out of him"?

"NAH he replys I'm not fighting any f*cker that can drink 25pints of Stella!!!"

fc

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Shellshock - 03-06-10

(02-06-10, 06:31 PM)flyingcod Wrote:  clunge

I love you fc

You just dont hear that word enough in my opinion, although lately it has been unsurped by "clopper" as in "A great big hairy clopper. I put my hand down her knickers and it felt like I was feeding a horse a handful of oats"

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - ez-1 - 03-06-10

I love you both
What a nice way to widen my vocabulary

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Big J - 03-06-10

I use the word 'clunge' quite a lot, never tire of hearing it. Seems to offend people less than minge.

Or cunt.

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - citysupes - 03-06-10

you know, kicks are like your children....





the hardest thing is choosing your favorite!

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Sweet_Kicks - 03-06-10

Thats worst than Pokeys

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Samo - 03-06-10

That made me laugh, but not because it was a funny joke:p

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - pokey27 - 03-06-10

Got knocked down by a Hire car Today

It fooking hertz!!


OH YES THERE'S MORE!!!!
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her
right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go
along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at
a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his
towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck,
followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he
straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you
we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her
towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides
of the Mersey

GO ON THEM 1 MORE JUST FOR SWEET-KICKS
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.



He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4.. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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And a sick one for shellshock

A man is having problems getting it up in sex as he is losing the urge. He goes to a doctor to assess the problem and the doctor tells him, "All you need is to remember the smell of a girl's pussy!" So that night while in bed with his sleeping wife, the man quietly fingers his wife's vagina and brings his moist fingers to his nose. He's beginning to feel the urge again so he whispers to his wife, "Honey, I've got something for you..."

She wakes up and turns to him and says, "Why did you wake me up just to tell me you have a nosebleed?!"

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RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Sweet_Kicks - 03-06-10

[/shakes head]


:p

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