The Joke Thread.......... - Printable Version
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+--- Thread: The Joke Thread.......... (/thread-2562.html)
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Sooper - 12-07-07
Yeah where are all these so called kids then? I thought we were mostly adults on here?
Bloody Kids!
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - streak - 12-07-07
The swearing ain't the real issue sooper.. 'twas the racist jokes..
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - adidasanth - 12-07-07
I must confess to being one of the people that put some 'unwelcome' jokes on here!!!
Soz if I offended, no offence meant!
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 13-07-07
It depends what you define as racist?
I don't take offence at any Irish or Essex girl or blonde jokes - mind you I think its mainly me that puts them on here!!!
And I am an Irish/Essex blonde dippy bint!!!!
lol
xx
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Sooper - 13-07-07
I cant recall any racist jokes to be honest but then i just see a joke as a joke and nothing else, which is kinda the whole point of Jokes in my mind! Lets not get too pc i have enough of that at work!
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 13-07-07
I think we all have enough of seriousness in everyday life!!!!
Fred and Mary have a special word for when they want to have sex, it's "washing machine"
One night they are both in bed and Fred turns to Mary and says,
"Washing machine?"
She replies,
"Oh not tonight Fred I have got an awful headache"
10 minutes later she is starting to feel really guilty at letting Fred down so she turns to him and says,
"Washing Machine"
To which Fred replies,
"Well love, it was only a small load so I did it by hand!"
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - Da Camden Ayatollah - 14-07-07
I don't remember seeing any racist jokes. although a few of the jesus jokes will cause seroius offence to certain people who i know/live near/see around on my travels.
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - deftoned - 16-07-07
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It's a bad one.Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow! Just look at our cars, after this car accident ! There's nothing left, but fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle...My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then, she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police..."
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - deftoned - 16-07-07
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension, do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
Trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone .....
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - deftoned - 16-07-07
A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house. ...
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would
start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We
will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. ...
He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"
A little teeny voice came out of the box... "I heard you the firsttime! I'm putting on my shoes." ...
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - deftoned - 16-07-07
A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - deftoned - 16-07-07
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in
and disbelief... "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else.""How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"Oh my God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 16-07-07
Very, very funny deftoned - loving them jokes!!!
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - streak - 16-07-07
deftoned Wrote:A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house. ...
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would
start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We
will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. ...
He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"
A little teeny voice came out of the box... "I heard you the firsttime! I'm putting on my shoes." ...
Daja vu....
Suburban Knight Wrote:A bloke sees an advert in a pet shop window, TALKING CENTIPEDE FOR SALE, ONLY £1000.
He thinks I'll have some of that and buys the little fella and takes him home in its box.
When he arrives home he opens up the box and asks if the centipede would like to go for a pint, but there's no answer.
So he asks again, still no answer.
Getting really angry because he's beginning to think he's been conned he shouts at the top of his voice,
'DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR A PINT?????, at which the centipede sticks his head over the side of the box and says,
I heard you the first time, I was putting my fuckin' shoes on!!
RE: The Joke Thread.......... - camnic1972 - 16-07-07
Never mind Streak, some people just can't be arsed with reading the whole thread!
I am always guilty of that!!!
lol
xx